Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A Little High


A little high is how I like it. A little high like now. High enough to forget, but little enough to remember. High enough to live, little enough to end it. High enough to let it go, little enough to hold it back.


And so I stand at the pub, alone. A little high. The band plays my favourite song- wish you were here... The woman in red dress sits on a high stool at the bar, slender fingers tapping the rim of the tall glass... the man in stripped shirt, loosens his tie and orders for one more scotch on the rocks... the head bangers in the front row, their beer bottles held high, long hair following the rhythmic pattern of the music... I stand, and watch memories playing out in my head. Memories of happier times... when people smoked in the pub... when the heavy scent of tobacco, mingled with the fragrance of expensive perfume and wafted away, creating a heavy concoction... times when I would stand in the front row, chant out the lyrics and bang my head to the beat of the song... times when I would hold a woman close to me... Her hair touching my face... my arms around her waist... swaying slowly to some old love song... And then the memories dissolve... Only the lights remain... blue and yellow and green... and shadows... and reality... and the little ‘highness’... and the little loneliness...


They say that parallel universe exists... and therefore a man exists in parallel dimensions... Different copies of him... Like photocopies... and out of those multiple existences, only one of them is happy. The rest of them stand at the bar, taking swigs at their rum and coke... a little high...


They also say, your blog is like your diary... Well, I disagree... how I wish, it would BE like a diary... how I wish, I could write EVERYTHING I wish to write... how I wish, I knew, how to say, what I WANT to say... how I wish... But, I’m just a little high. High enough to forget, but little enough to remember. High enough to live, little enough to end it. High enough to let it go, little enough to hold it back....