Cobb's Cob

(Warning:This post is not for the impatient.)

I am a business analyst at an IT firm. My job entails looking into the clients’ businesses and telling them, how we can help them do it better. So, often before we can tell them, how they can do it better, we have to understand how they are doing it currently. Or as they say, understanding the ‘AS-IS’ process.

Some of these hot-shot fortune 100 companies have processes and systems which belong to the neo-Paleolithic age. So, to understand the ‘AS-IS’ is more like being at an excavation site, digging up bones from the Stone Age. It has its own charm (the bone digger will vouch for it), but sometimes it can get very VERY tricky.

This is the story of one those times.

So, this company, that I’m currently doing the project for, has offices across different cities in the US of A. Different people handling different functions (processes) at these different locations.

For example
• Process A at New York
• Process B at Ohio
• Process C at San Francisco
• Process D at Las Vegas

These processes (A, B, C and D) operate in a nested structure which looks something like this:
Process A (Process B (Process C (Process D)))

Which means: to complete Process A, you have to complete process B. And to complete process B you have to complete process C and so on.

If you have reached till this point, pat yourself! You are indeed patient.
10 points to Gryffindor!

Ok, back now! Now, let us look at it from a ‘systems’ perspective of the structure.

Process A running at New York, uses System P.
From system P in New York (used for process A), you can access system Q (used for process B) in Ohio
From system Q in Ohio (used for process B), you can access system R (used for process C)
You get the drift, right?

Now, if you thought, this was a little complicated... in comes the excavator (or shall we say the extractor!) aka yours truly! Sitting in Chennai, Da!

To start process A, you must login remotely to a computer in New York, from the computer in Chennai. Now I hope you remember that to complete process A, process B needs to be completed.

So, yes, go drink some water, pee, and come back, this is going take a while…

So, I was saying, to complete process A, process B needs to be completed. So what do you do? (Remember at this point, you have already logged in to the terminal in New York). Now, you login remotely from the computer in New York to the computer in Ohio to complete process B.

Yes it is getting a little smoggy, isn’t it? But wait. Because by the time, you login to the terminal at San Francisco you are pretty much in the middle of the Cobb web. You are trying to switch between terminals, furiously trying to keep track of which level/ process/ city you are in, but DAMN you!

AND THEN, in walks Mr. Christopher Nolan sir jee!




He looks at me, smiles and says,
‘No, there is something fundamentally wrong in that structure. All the levels can’t be operating at the same speed. As you go deeper inside, the perception of time elapsed increases. So, an hour in Chennai, is a day in New York, and a day in New York is a week in Ohio. But I warn you. If you go to Las Vegas, then you’ll come out of it, an old man, with your brain like mashed potato’

I ignore him. Think he must only be kidding about the speed thing.

Lesson# 1: Always listen to Christopher Nolan!

And then it starts to happen.
To open a browser on my own machine in Chennai- .3 secs

To open a browser on the machine in New York, via Chennai- 1 min

To open a browser on the machine in Ohio, via New York, via Chennai- yes, you can go drink some water and come back, and it is still opening…

To open a browser on the machine in San Francisco via Ohio, via New York, via Chennai- Hey, you want to go for lunch at this new restaurant in T Nagar? It’s a little far away. But it’s got an excellent buffet spread. Perfect for opening a browser in San Francisco

To open a browser on the machine in Las Vegas via San Francisco via Ohio, via New York, via Chennai- DIE OLD MAN, DIE!!!

Yes, you want to get out, but right when you need it, there’s no one to kick you!
Now, if you thought Las Vegas was all fun, then well
Lesson# 2: Limbo Las Vegas is not good! Opening a browser takes an eternity! Imagine, how much time, the strippers must be taking to, you know, strip!



Anyway, enough said. This post is a ‘in-between-work’ post.

I am currently in San Francisco.

Talk of DREAM job!!

And oh! Slytherin gets 100 points and wins. Haa!

Neurotransmitters

Here’s the thing. I am lazy. Really Really lazy. All that excuse about being busy and all, is just bull. One can always find time. Half an hour. No big deal. Unless of course one is lazy. I’m. Lazy.

I just got interrupted. Interruptions don’t help. Not at all. You have to get the thing done at one go. Otherwise the moment is gone. Forever. You can’t do anything about it, once it is gone.

‘A’ once told me, that scholars at MIT juggle. When they are thinking deeply about something, they start juggling. It increases their concentration. I am no MIT scholar. And I have horrible hand-eye coordination.

Anyway, so the point is my blogging record is abysmal. Actually not even abysmal. It is non-existent. So, I am thinking I should do something about it. There has to be pattern to it, right? I mean a routine? Like every time ‘something’ happens, I blog. That ‘something’ can be anything really. Like every time it rains I blog. Or every time my maid doesn’t show up, I blog (then I’d blog, every Sunday or the entire month of December). Or every time I don’t brush my teeth, I blog (I’m not providing statistics for that one). There has to be a trigger. I am not saying, if the trigger is rain, then every time I write, I’ll about rain. Or my maid (But that could actually be an interesting proposition).

And that brings us to the next question. What should I write about?

I just got interrupted, again. DAMN. I should learn to juggle.

So I was saying. Content. Now, any Communication01 lecture will tell you, that the content of any presentation should be decided according to the audience. Right. Audience. Let’s ponder over that for a minute, shall we?

Ok, so I’m sure she will check my blog. And him. And him from that city. Oh, and sometimes, the other one also might drop in. 4 people. Yes. Ok, then. 4 people. But I don’t know what these 4 people might want to read. My best guess is that they will not want to read my blog. It’s difficult to target, when you don’t have a segment. Yes. One must target.

Do you think, I am digressing? I mean what are we even talking about? But well, I think it’s good to digress. What I mean is, lots of time you don't know what interests you most till you start talking about something that doesn't interest you most. I mean you can't help it sometimes. What I think is, you're supposed to leave somebody alone if he's at least being interesting and he's getting all excited about something. I like it when somebody gets excited about something. It's nice.

So I think that’s what I’ll do. I’ll digress. And you digress best, when (as ‘B’ puts it) you feel like a police van in Kashmir. Yes. So every time I feel like a ‘police van in Kashmir’, I’ll digress. It might be interesting. Unless of course I’m feeling lazy. But I feel lazy a lot. I’m lazy. I swear I am.

(Why is the name of the post neuro-transmitters again?)

Ending?

And so, one by one the list is being ticked off... But when you have been to your farewell party, then you have just hit the rock bottom... there’s no beyond, isn’t it?

The two years, play out in front of my eyes, like a movie on a giant screen... You watch, sometimes from outside, and at other times, may be you are one of the characters inside the celluloid. All the light, noise, conversation, smell, sound, song, colour fuse to create what we call memories. Not that one remembers all of it. More like snatches put together, to make it look like a real movie.

Snatches.

• The yellow door of my room at d-hostel. The corridor.
• Room No- 834. Roomies.
• Room No- 833. Pseudo Roomies.
• Prahlad, beginning to warm up at 12 in the night.
• The door of Room no. 306 closing... Shit, I’m gonna miss my attendance.
• Statistics lecture- what is that?
• The ‘lifecycle stages’ class.
• Someone stole the library register?
• Sitting for the Economics FCQ, wondering why life is so unfair.
• Sitting at Legends with friends, drinking Old Monk, thinking, may be life is not so unfair!
• WAQ submissions.
• Is there a fire in the building?- no placement season is on!
• Is there a carnival on campus? – Well, sort of, it’s called NEEV!
• The e-mail ‘The French FCQ has been cancelled’.
• The singing in the bus on the way to the city.
• The definition of qualitative research.
• Chai, Vadapao, and smokes at Shivaji.
• Is it time for our evening tea yet?

Snatches.

Sounds.
• ‘Hello Hello... yes yes... Good evening everyone’.
• In the corridor ‘Papa topper hai!’.
• ‘Is batch ke G mein D nahi hai!’.
• Friends talking.
• The alarm clock going off at 6 in the morning- sound of the impending FCQ.
• ‘Operations and marketing batch to apply for this job’.
• ‘Tonight’s gonna be a good night’- batch party.
• Friends talking.
• ‘mujhko ranaji maaf karna’ -Legends.
• The bat hitting the ball, the crowd erupting into joyous cheer- Symbi-olympics.
• ‘Last Kiss’- ‘90% on the rocks’ on stage.
• ‘Sutta na mila’- Milaap.
• Random songs on mobile phone at the water cooler- stoned.
• Friends Talking.
• Late night arguments with the long distance counterpart.
• Very late night conversations with campus counterpart.
• ‘Did you see the two of them together taking late night walks?’- Gossip.
• Friends talking.
Sounds.

But coming back. When you have been to your farewell party, then you have just hit the rock bottom... there’s no beyond, isn’t it?
Well, I disagree. Farewell parties are just a way of saying, that it has been an absolute pleasure- these last two years, and I’ll carry these memories forever. Carry these sights and sounds and will remember all of you. For the good reasons. It’s just a way of saying- Good Bye and Good luck, till the next time we meet....

Spaces

The red and blue neon sign read SPACES. Not that it had much space around it. A shop bang in the middle of the city... on one of the busiest streets.

The boy and the girl walked past the sign. She pointed it out and smiled at him. They had been talking about it. Spaces. And how important it was to them... Their own private, personal space, where they wouldn’t let anyone else in... Not even each other.

They shared a cigarette and walked into the bakery, for dessert. It had been a lovely summer evening so far... A visit to a couple of art galleries... Dinner and drinks at their favourite place and now they had walked into the famous old bakery for dessert.

The evening was drawing to a close though. They walked out, walked towards the station, perhaps a little silent than usual. Their destinations were in opposite directions. So, they would take different trains. The girl walked over to the other platform. The boy stood and watched the space growing between them. The train hurled in, like a giant metallic earthworm. She got in. It picked up speed, and then vanished into the dark tunnel.

The boy’s phone beeped. A text. He looked at it, smiled and nodded. It read “May be its over rated after all... Spaces”.

Not, Not

I think it was a bad idea, and I refuse to stick to bad ideas. So, I’m giving it up. This whole ‘non-blogging’ thing --- bad idea. So, I’m starting NOT to NOT blog again.

I realise that I’ve never really spoken about my everyday life, in these last two years... And I think that was a good idea. I’m all for sticking to good ideas. So, I’m not going to talk about my everyday life.

But I can tell you some of the things that are crossing my mind right now... good and bad ideas... therefore I’m not sure whether to hold on to them or let them go...

Anyway, so I’m thinking:

• I’d like to go to Tokyo during spring, sometimes.

• Have you had the feeling when you want to leave something badly and hold on it as well?

• Schrodinger’s cat

• This song called ‘If there is something that I might find / Look around corners’

• Why is my roomie snoring so much?

• Lamp shades

• About the last two years: My takeaways.

• I should buy a new phone...

• About the next two years.

• Home.

• Friendships. About the spaces between them.

• A wooden bench in the middle of a lush green field.

• Whether I can hold on to the ‘not- smoking’ stand.

• Deep strong brave soulful guitar strumming.

• If I go insane, please don’t put your words in my brain...

Conclusion.

Do you wish to continue on this blog?
-May be...

Have you run out of things to say?
-Quite on the contrary. I have so much to say, that I don’t know where to start from.

So are you saying, you are going to write, not going to write... which one is it, I’m confused!
-Well, I guess I am just saying that I’m not going to write for sometime... But I guess I’ll come back...

-But why this hiatus?
a) Well, the hiatus, started quite some time back... so this is just a formal declaration
b) I’m busy... genuinely, really, really busy
c) Nobody visits my blog anymore, what’s the point :(

-Are you unhappy?
Why do you say that? No, I’m not. Don’t go by my puppy face. :) I’m happy. Yes, not excitedly happy, but very calmly happy.

-Any reason for this formal declaration?
Well, I didn’t want, my last post to be called ‘Confusion to Conclusion’... I wanted it to be called ‘Conclusion’. So here it is...

The conclusion. (Shuts the laptop, walks to the window, and lights a cigarette)

Confusion and Conclusion

The Kirghiz tribe believes that as the moon completes a cycle- one from full moon to darkness, from completeness to nothingness- its dying parts waft away into the sky... like sawdust... giving birth to stars...

As I stand here today, looking at the moonless blue and at the plentiful stars dotting the summer sky, I wish I could pick up each one of them, carefully and vigilantly, and put it back, sawdust by sawdust to spot the moon again... travel the other way round...

My mind is flooded with thoughts... not worries... thoughts... like the night... where the stars gleam through sinisterly, etching strange patterns on the mossy walls of ols buildings. You wish you could see things more plainly, see them how they are. But all that is visible is the shadow on the wall. Shadows from your past... shadows of the future... and you are stranded wondering about your present. You try and chase the shadow... but all that you are left with is the cold feeling on your hand from the wet mossy wall.

But somewhere deep down, you know, that it's not far away... the reversal... when the moon will start to materialise into the sky... and before you know it, it will be a full moon night... and you'll see things clearly... not in the glare of the white sun, but in the gentle silverweed of the moon... You'll feel the summer breeze caressing your face... and you'll know... just know...

By then you would have completed the cycle... the cycle from confusion to conclusion...